This is my confession of mothering naked. Disrobe if you dare.
Don't tell me not to be sad. Tell me it's okay to be human, because humans get sad.
Then when we do cross paths, our connection is filled with all of the wrong things. It’s void of anything having to do with bringing us back together.
I have to see their face. That’s where the truth lies. It’s beneath what others don’t see, so I search like an investigator of emotion I refuse to miscalculate.
I laid in a hospital bed with my family one morning, while most of you slept, I said goodbye to my love, my daughter. I saw her stop breathing, I saw her eyes close… I miss her but she built me.
I received a response in the form of a sentence letting me know I had been banned from the stay at home mothers site. I cried. I was stunned. Banned? I cried quite a bit. I was sad.
Losing a baby brought sadness and grief. It made me question faith and motherhood for me. Then against all odds came a boy who knew a family was about to grow...
My heart didn't feel whole and I don't mean it in the way of complacency, contentment or emptiness. I knew a spirit was intended to find me and join our family.
It was decided that Resurrected Together was not the right fit or timing to publicize her story, but I wanted the subject matter to still have the platform and recognition it deserves.
It's our marriages, partnerships, friendships, jobs, social circles and it can even be in our religious and/or spiritual circles. It's every place and any time we feel we're not good enough, accepted, a part of the "inner" circle, forgiven or an active participant.
I sat on the couch with Benny after being released from the hospital. He was wrapped in my arms awaiting his brother and sister’s return home from Nana and Papa’s at the door.
“Multiple heart defects.” I heard nothing after that. I sat through the rest of the appointment staring at this tiny baby in my arms and continued to stare at him in the gigantic car seat the entire way home.
You know what I also think about? How getting rid of the old, cleaning up our mess and even organizing clutter applies to more than just our homes, garages, cars and closets.
When I see them, I want to crawl into their back pocket and go where they go. I want to be as close to them as possible in hopes that maybe there is a secret initiation I can partake in.
Ever since I became a mother, I try to capture memorable moments. Whether they’re special moments, holidays, milestones or occasions, I never want to look back with regret for what I could have captured. Valentine’s Day has always been a special moment filled with fond memories as a child and what are now traditions I … Continue reading My Cup Runneth Over
My hands started to shake and I couldn’t understand why everything down to the handwriting made me anxious. I skimmed through several pages to find entries all titled, “Dear God.”
This month's decision was unique in that right as I was setting out to honor someone under my Resurrected Together initiative, a movement was born.
I’ve always said that I would rather have a few good women than a bunch of women I know wouldn’t weather a nasty storm with me.
Not the best idea I’ve had. Nope. He’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but why I didn’t learn that 5 and 3 year olds are excited for about 5.6 minutes before they move onto the next exciting thing will be another memorable mommy fail for the books.
You end up feeling exiled from your marriage and your social arenas don’t offer up the opportunity to normalize the stage either so you’re left feeling as if your experience is the exception.
Isaiah, Autumn and Benny invited me into a necessary distraction that was wrapped in disco lights and a rendition of the greatest hits compliment of Kidzbop. I took it.
I kept my eyes on his. He wasn’t admitting his terror anymore than he was going to embrace defeat.
The only investment I will have when this stage is over is every minute I put into my three children. I won’t have a retirement or 401K investment to return to.
I was asked to speak at a Faculty Institute at a local college where I was joined by someone I never expected to accompany me.
While I sought to chase the truth, I had no idea what was eventually waiting for me. People say that there are moments that can take your breath away but in this case, it took my my limbs too.
By the time Benny came along, something changed. Who am I kidding? A lot changed. Some of it good and some of it challenging.
On mornings when my heart is heavy and my faith is imbalanced, it’s hard to get up. It’s hard to get up and stay standing.
I felt heavy with it all. I was depressed. I wanted and needed to create a new vision for 2017, but felt compressed with the deadline.
I wanted to be the perfect woman, I wanted to be accepted by his circle and I wanted to become the perfect wife.
It was in that moment that I realized this was temporary and all of the mayhem leading them up to this point was to offer me this very moment.
I had nearly 30 years of experience being in control. It was the illusion of safety I worked hard at maintaining. Everything had an order, a purpose and a reason for why it all had to be just so. Until you.
I feel the same way about my marriage sometimes. There are seasons when it feels like my marriage was in route somewhere and took a pit stop.
So we sat and stared at the silly costumes, poses and memories of hauling them through frigid temperatures all in the name of an adorable holiday photograph.
I knew I wanted to be a mother to multiple children and preferred that they be close in age, but what I would have never known to consider is how challenging it would be to keep up with all of them at once.
The odds aren’t usually in favor of what our family needs like regularity, predictability and consistency. I wish I could tell you that in the six years of living this reality that we have gracefully accepted it, but that would be a lie.
Just before or no soon after I want to call a truce or hire the closest stranger off the street to get some respite, they do something to turn things around.
She also taught me that sometimes what we have to give may seem small, but to someone else, it can make an extraordinary difference. Kindness doesn’t have a price-tag and selflessness is modeling God’s grace to others.