It’s been said that when you make plans, God laughs. I think this is true and in my case, God continues to have His fair share of laughs at my expense. I remember believing that I would be married with four children by the time I was twenty-five. I dreamed of having a big family and most of all, my dreams consisted of watching the connection I hoped my children would have for one another.
When we had our first son, I can tell you I wasn’t thinking about having another right away. When my daughter came, I was in the stage of grieving the realization that one child was merely an accessory similar to a pocket-book and trying to figure out how the hell I could successfully manage two children under the age of two. Their ages didn’t permit the connection I had dreamed they would have with one another quite yet.
By the time Benny came along, something changed. Who am I kidding? A lot changed. Some of it good and some of it challenging. One change that seemed more obvious and consistent than others was that our children were identifying with one another more. Isaiah and Autumn were becoming buddies and their affection for their younger brother was incessant. It’s as if Benny’s arrival shifted the paradigm of our family, but mostly their connection as siblings.
Autumn instantly proclaimed her younger brother as hers the minute she laid eyes on him. Isaiah grew an adoration for all of the ways in which Benny would take new shape, pass new milestones and become familiar with who he was as his big brother. All of a sudden, I got to watch. I would sit back and just watch their interactions with one another. I like to say I can put my feelings into words, but there are moments when words just aren’t enough. There aren’t any to describe what I get to witness between them and I believe there aren’t words to express what is happening between them either.
I love how Isaiah and Autumn get sad when one is left behind. I love how they cry if one has to stay home from school because the other is sick. I love how they say “I miss Benny Mommy,” when he’s not with us. I love how they fight to hold their younger brother and I love how they think it’s silly when they have sleepovers.
Nothing about their existence was in the order of which I envisioned it all those years ago, but they remind me on a daily basis that they were waiting to arrive at the moment God intended. They were always a part of His plan. Just as I believe they were destined to fulfill my dream, I believe they were destined to fulfill their own as siblings . I love watching them and while I recognize their affection, adoration and contentment will inevitably shift through the years, I will relish in the invitation to watch my dream come to life through their relationship with each other.
In Love & Truth,