While I know who designed the dance of marriage and parenthood, there are moments when I really wish we could separate the two. I mean, don’t we all have moments when parenthood becomes the big, huge boulder separating the adoration you once felt towards your spouse? Once you become parents, it’s the whining in the morning, afternoon and evening
It can be the tugs of imbalance with the overwhelming needs that leaves you both sucked entirely dry of having any energy for one another. Or the opposite schedules, the race in juggling activities, commitments, errands and the never-ending demands that comes with a house, job and bills.
It’s all of it.
Then there are those seasons in every marriage that you look at one another and aren’t quite sure who the other is. You don’t even recognize them. Dare I be too truthful and suggest you’re not even sure you like them?
“Huh? No, she didn’t!”
Yes I did. I said it.
The stages of parenthood, stress, demands, space and separation makes distance dangerously comfortable. Then there are those weary moments when our love, adoration, respect and compassion for one another get lost.
They sail off into everything that washes over the daily expectations to be, do and provide everything around us except for one another.
In our seven years I can tell you that we have many of those moments just like you do. Times when we meet at the end of another exhausting night and silence is all we have left to give to one another. Then when we do cross paths, our connection is filled with all of the wrong things. It’s void of anything having to do with bringing us back together; reminding us that everything we’re doing begins with the tide of us.
When the tide goes against what we need in our marriages, it’s vital that we stop to listen to it. Even if you have to sit in what feels uncomfortable, foreign or too heavy. Even if it means we have to put parenthood aside, disappoint others when we have to say “no,” and find that reserved space of love we have for one another beneath it all.
When we throw our pain, exhaustion and stress at one another, it only leaves us void of receiving the very support and connection our families need to ride the tides that will inevitably change its direction again.
As parents we all know, there is never enough time. Make it. Whether it’s a card game, kayaking, going for a run together, a free date in the backyard or in our case, begging our in-laws to take on three small children so that we can speak in completed sentences,
For us, it’s been the glue when we become unglued. It’s been the grace when we’re holding one another into contempt. It’s been the times we’re able to remember the person who existed before life enveloped them without seeking our permission. It is when we can surrender to putting one another first that…
Laughter is found,
Forgiveness is possible,
Compassion is restored
and the connection is renewed.
We always return home to the whining and whatever else left us before we surrendered, but I can assure you of one thing, the tide shifted just long enough before it inevitably shifted again (sometimes within the same hour).
If you’re lucky…
In Love & Truth,