It wasn’t until our recent vacation where I had a deliberate moment that turned unexpected. I set out to watch you explore and ravel in one of your favorite childhood places. But then, it hit me. The realization that you’re borrowed. Each one of you.
As parents, we want to invest in the certainty that we will always be with you. I know for me, I joke about being your first date, running behind the school bus and being best girlfriends, but the vulnerable and slightly humiliating truth is that I’m not joking.
Seriously? I really did almost run behind his school bus (and it was only a 3 week summer program). Don’t judge.
What I experienced during what I intended to be a peaceful moment was the engulfment of anxiety for what I realize is borrowed time with my children. Every day, I pray that God lay His hand over their lives. I guess I forgot that it would mean He is ultimately the one guiding the sails of their destiny and I can’t charter their course. And what if that isn’t with me, here, experiencing all of this…
People say it lasts forever, but I now realize it isn’t supposed to.
These moments are it. Not because they end or because they won’t continue, but because they’re not guaranteed. To the three arteries to my heart:
Right now I’m in the sacred place to witness, see and capture…
The mornings you wake up in your princess dress and tap shoes while I remind you not to tap dance on the hard wood floors.
When I get to make every meal for you (even if a dozen times by noon) and turn around to see you squeeze your little legs in between your time-out chair.
Or the trips to the barber where you whisper in my ear to tell the gentleman, “Not too short on the top” before asking me to take a picture of you with dad’s sunglasses shortly after.
Or the midnight snuggles and surrendering beside me in hopes for restful sleep.
Or the moments you tap on my shoulder and look up at me, just to say you love me.
Or the seasons you were small enough to run alongside the ocean with me over my heart.
They say that borrowed means you have to give it back. We don’t have to give the moments and memories back, but our children were never ours to keep. They were entrusted to us to help them fulfill God’s destiny for them. And in that time, we are given the most precious and sacred time to hold onto.
Oh and I do. I make sure of it. I know there will come a time when you’re all walking in different directions and my prayer is that no matter where you travel and no matter where God takes you,
we have these gifts of time, moments and memories to return to.
In Love & Truth,